The Journey - The Arrival.

 22nd January 2024

Grandfather jumped out, went around the back and got my bag out and then came around to my side and stood there looking at me. Okay, I admit that I'd made no attempt to get out, but for some reason over the last couple of hours or so, I'd developed a complex of sorts with regard to opening doors. By the look on his face I came to the conclusion that this time I was being allowed to open the door by myself. 

Once I was out I was greeted with, "What were you waiting for?"

He has this annoying habit of winding me up every time he speaks, but I tried to stay calm and polite.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise you wanted me to get out," I replied.

Once out I stood there holding on to the door, I was having a bit of trouble making my legs work on account of them being like lumps of frozen meat. 

"Now what's the matter?" he asked.

"It's okay, my legs are a bit stiff from the cold."

"Well I'm not surprised dressed like that, did you think you were coming to live in the Caribbean?" He retorted. 

"Just show me the way please." I said, shutting the door of the Land Rover.

Inside the back door was a long dark corridor at the end of which was a bright light and the sound of a radio playing. From floor to ceiling the corridor was lined with what looked to be white tiles. In actual fact they weren't tiles but glazed bricks. After five meters there was a small alcove type place on the right. Within the alcove were two doors at right angles to each other. The first led to the coal house and the second gave access to a toilet and wash basin. Just after this on the left the corridor opened out in to a room that was also made from white glazed bricks. This room had a roof made of glass. Off this room were two doors. This area I was to discover with time was the laundry. The rest of the corridor had doors to the left and right at roughly ten meter intervals, these were pantries and food storage rooms. At the end of the corridor there was a staircase on the right and just beyond this the corridor turned sharp right and continued along the side of the staircase before disappearing in to darkness. In front was the door from which the light and the music was coming from, this was the kitchen. On the left before entering the kitchen was the door to the staff dinning room where all the staff, except for two came to eat. I'm not staff but I still get to eat there too.

Grandfather led me in to the kitchen, it was like any other kitchen except the units were obviously very old, made from wood. Behind the door was a table at which sat a wiry looking man. He stared at me intently, and in a serious manner but said nothing. He was introduced to me as Ivan. Also in the kitchen was Cindy. She was of an average size with short blonde hair and a friendly smile. Cindy and Ivan are married to each other.

"Oh my goodness look at you," Cindy said on laying eyes on me.

I was a bit surprise by her comment. I wasn't sure what it was about me that caused such a concern. She then went on to have a go at grandfather for neglecting me. Well that pleased me no end. "What did you expect, she's a townie," Grandfather replied.

I wasn't quite sure what he meant by this but I knew better than to bother getting enlightened.

Cindy then took me out of the kitchen and into the dinning room where she told me to get out of my wet clothes and then left closing the door behind her as she went. She was back in a couple of minutes with a nice warm dressing gown which she told me to put on. She instructed me to pick up my clothes and put them in the laundry basket when I get to our apartment.

After some chit chat Grandfather took me up the stairs that are by the kitchen door. The stairs climbed to a small halfway landing before doubling back on itself to another landing. On this landing there were three doors, one in each of the three sides.

"On NO account pass through that door for any reason," Grandfather said pointing to the door on the left as we started to climb to the next half landing. 

On the next upper landing there were four doors, three set out the same as the lower landing but there was also another door at the top of three steps. It was through this door that we passed. 

In this room were boxes and just general stuff like you might have in a garage in any home. It was for the use of grandfather and also Cindy and Ivan. In the left hand wall of this storage area were two doors, the first being to Cindy and Ivan's apartment and the other door was to our apartment. In the far wall was another two further doors, these were our bathrooms, the one on the left ours, the other for Cindy and Ivan. In the wall to my right as we crossed to our apartment was a window. The whole place plus our apartments were lined out with wooden boards. These are the attic rooms and so are right at the top of the house. 

The Journey - Final Part

 22nd January 2024

We continued on our way crawling along, bouncing from one pothole to the next when we hit something with a right bang, I'm sure I must have left my seat. I looked across at grandfather but he didn't even acknowledge anything, just stared into the darkness hunched over the steering wheel.

I settled back in to my scrunched up position trying to preserve the remaining little bit of heat I had left within me. I was soon back to being hypnotised by the windscreen wiper in front of me. Painfully creeping to the vertical, hanging around for a few seconds before crashing back down to the start and repeating it all over again, again and again never deviating from the routine it had made for itself. Until, this one time, the last time actually. I did the usual climb to vertical, had the usual rest and crash to the beginning. This time though it didn't stop. Much to my amazement it leapt on to the bonnet of the Land Rover and slithered off over the side into the blackness, not doubt shouting for joy that it had escaped the constant struggle. I looked across at grandfather who was looking back at me before he asked, "What was that?"

I replied, "The windscreen wiped," and nodded towards my windscreen.

I felt quite buoyed that I actually knew more than he for once. It was short lived though because next think I'm heading for the windscreen myself as the darn brakes were applied - AGAIN! What's the matter with them, they're either on or off. I wished everything else on the vehicle worked as good as the brakes.

Grandfather instructed in no uncertain terms, "STAY THERE!"

Before abandoning ship and heading out in to the teeth of the gale. I'm not sure why he thought I would want to go out there anyway. I wasn't even sure why he would want to go out there considering how the wiped wasn't actually doing anything useful anyway.

He returned after a short while with the wiper and threw it on to the pile of detritus piled up on the middle seat. It seemed to me that as bits fell off they were rounded up to be deposited on the seat in the middle. I reckon given time the whole Land Rover will end up piled up on the middle seat.

Before setting off he flicked a switch on the console and the lights came on. If like me you have been wondering why he didn't switch them on until now let me tell you, they didn't work very well. This seems to be a reoccurring theme to this journey. Apart from a faint yellowish glow just in front of the bonnet you wouldn't even know they were even on. In fact I'm sure the lights that lit up the dials on the dash were brighter than the head lights.

We now finally started what turned out to be the last part of the journey down Glen Grim. As with the braking system the accelerator was on top form and propelled us from zero to sixty in one second up to a speed not exceeding three miles per hour. It's no wonder I was getting a headache, it was all the Gs I'd been subjected too in the past couple of hours.

Suddenly, everything appeared suddenly in those head lights, we came upon a high stone wall in which there was an archway. We didn't pass through the archway but turned left and followed the wall for a short way until reaching another entrance, this one not so grand. Here we turned right and went up a drive before pulling up in a small yard in front of some doors of a building. One of the doors, the one to the left of me, turned out to be the back door to the property which I was now to call home.

The Journey - Hypnotic.

 22nd January 2024.

I headed off across the road, propelled by the wind and battered by the rain, towards the old land Rover parked up in the road junction. I couldn't see who was in the vehicle as all the windows were steamed up so I tapped on the side window, half of which quickly slide forward and then slid back again equally as quickly but I had enough time to see that it was my grandfather seated behind the wheel so as promised I gave the bus driver a wave and a thumbs up. I watched as he set off down the road meanwhile grandfather climbed from the cab of the Land Rover. He didn't speak but grabbed at my backpack which he then took around the back and threw in without a thought for anything that might have been breakable stored within it. I continued past him and just as I reached for the door handle I was pulled back by the hood of my jacket. This really annoyed me and was about to give him a mouthful when he reached past me and opened the door for me. I immediately calmed down thinking he was being a gentleman and just wanted to open the door for me - I'm such an idiot sometimes. I settled myself into the seat and watched him get in beside me. I was expecting some kind of greeting at this point but all I got was a lecture. He said that I needed to pay attention to what I was doing if I intended staying in these parts. If this wind had got behind that door you could have had your face caved in, or worse still the door could have been ripped from its hinges. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. For one thing I wasn't choosing to go and stay in those parts and secondly how was having the door blown from its hinges worse than me getting my face caved in, and thirdly, what made him think that I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing. I didn't get to ask him any of these things because he had now moved on to vigorously rattling the gear lever from side to side. He then turned on the key situated on the dash board before reaching down and pushing a button on the forward bulkhead. The result for all that work was a pathetic sounding click, click, click! My instinct was to burst out laughing as there was something about it that amused me. Thankfully I managed to contain my humour as I'm sure it wouldn't gone down very well with grandfather. I can't imagine he ever laughed at a joke let alone told one or seen the funny side of anything. Grandfather is a short, fat barrel shaped man with a bald head, moustache and spectacles. He has a pompous and argumentative attitude about him that I find loathsome most of the time. I'm not saying this in any sort of disrespectful way or anything, it's just the way I would honestly describe him so as to give an idea of the sort of person I'm talking about.

Having failed to start the vehicle once he then went through all the same actions again which I thought was strange considering he'd already confirmed the thing was out of gear and turned on. Anyway the result was just the same as the first attempt. He then went through the first two motions again but this time instead of pushing the starter button he let off the hand brake. The result at first seemed little different to the clicking business and the Land Rover just sat there for a second or two. I don't know if it was the wind or something but after a few seconds it did start to slowly creep forward and eventually reached quite a speed as we headed down the side road. Suddenly grandfather pulled back on the gear lever, which let out a truly awful crunching sound, it didn't sound good at all. Next thing I know I'm heading for the windscreen until suddenly the engine burst into life and I was flung back in my seat once again. This was short lived however because no sooner had we got going and we were stopping again in the same violent manner. Grandfather had another fit of gear rattling before yanking on the hand brake and leaping from the vehicle leaving me sitting there wondering what was happening. I turned round in my seat to see if I could see what he was doing and saw a gate being closed across the lane. As I waited I looked up to my left and could see there was a house, I couldn't help but wonder who lived in a place like that. Grandfather was back now and we set off down the hillside into the valley grim. The road had now become a deeply rutted track, steep and running with water. The rain was driving into the windscreen so grandfather reached forward and turned his windscreen wiper before reaching across and turning on mine. For some reason they operated independently of each other. When I say operated I don't mean they actually worked at clearing the screen. The best that I can say about them is that the one on grandfathers side smeared water across the whole of his windscreen whereas the one on my side just spread it across half the screen. It started at the bottom right corner and slowly crept it's way to a vertical position before stopping there for several seconds and then literally dropping down back to the starting position before repeating the process time and time again. I couldn't take my eyes off it, mainly because there was little else I could see with any clarity, it became hypnotic for sure.

I was going to say that we drove down to the floor of the valley but in reality it felt more like jumping than driving. It seemed like we were bouncing from one rock to the next. I even got the courage up to recommend to grandfather that the drive needs some work doing on it. I should have known better as his reply was predictable in that he said it was fine the way it was. I wasn't going to let it slide this time because I knew I was right and I told him so. He said that it's best that way because if it was a good road everybody would be down here with campervans and goodness knows what. Well I couldn't argue with that because no one in their right mind would venture down there as it was.

On reaching the floor of the valley grim, or glen, as they're called in these parts we came to a fast flowing river so we had to make a sharp right turn to follow the track along the valley floor. When on top of the hill the bottom of the valley looked flat but up at close quarters it was anything but flat. It's quite undulating. Sometimes the very rough track was close alongside the river and other times it moved quite away from it. Once we turn to follow the valley my side of the Land Rover took the full force of the storm. It seemed at times that the rain was being blown with such strength as to force it though the window but on inspection it seems the seal on the top of the door wasn't working properly and so the water was finding its way through. So every so often I would end up getting a shower down my left side.

It was at this point that I felt the cold setting in. My jeans had got soaked walking from the bus to the Land Rover. Also the hood proved to be useless in the wind so my hair was also wet. I asked grandfather if there was any chance of some heat. He shouted above the noise that it was on, pointing at a round biscuit tin sized object near to my right leg. Well if it was on I couldn't feel the effects of it. I can't really recall speaking after this, there seemed little point and besides which I was having to clench my teeth to stop them from chattering. I looked across at him from time to time. It looked like he was having trouble seeing because he was bent forward with the steering wheel pressed against his chest. I wasn't surprised what with the wiper doing such a great job and the fact that it was just about dark. It was hard to see what difference sitting in that position would make though...

The Journey - Beyond The Outer Edge

 22nd January 2024

The weather had quickly gone down hill over the past hour or so and as we climbed up the hill out of Ullapool the heavy rain was being driven sideways across the landscape in sheets. I couldn't help but wonder how the people on the ferry would cope, I was to far away to see what the waves were like but the picture as a whole looked very grim to say the least. The road ran up hill, down hill, this way and that which meant the bus was only able to make slow progress, especially the way the weather was. The windscreen wipers struggled to clear the water sometimes, the road was at times flooded with standing water and any exposed rock shone like dull silver from being soaked in water. The landscape now looked completely desolate studded everywhere with bodies of water from the size of a car up to fully blown lakes, or lochs as they are called here. Going off road in this place must be a nightmare. The mountains are solitary rather than ranges connected by ridges. They just seemed to pop up here or there each one it's own master.

I got in a bit of a panic at one point as we passed a road junction where the sign pointed to Durness which is where I thought we were headed. Anyway I'd nothing to worry about as the bus first had to make a detour to a place called Lochinver before returning to the Durness road.

At Lockinver we parked up and waited a short while for some people to get off and a few to get on. With the low dark clouds and the time of day we were pretty much into the twilight zone. At a small village called Scourie the walkers that got on at Ullapool got off and headed up the drive of a hotel by the side of the local shop. It wasn't long after this that we made another detour to a place called Kinlochbervie. It was here that the driver informed me that my stop would shortly arrive after we rejoined the Durness road. It was along the road to Kinlochbervie that I noticed a small village store going by the name of "London Stores". I wondered what the story was behind the name.

Within a few meters of rejoining the Durness road it went from two lanes to just a narrow single track road which climbed up and onto a plateau like area and more desolation. The weather did seem to brighten a little at this point but it only proved to be temporary. Soon the bus began to slow to a stop and the driver told me this was where I needed to get off. At the opposite side of the road was a junction and a lay by and there parked up was a beat up looking jeep. As I looked past the driver he asked if that would be my ride but I didn't know for sure, I hoped so. But the thing that held me spellbound was the view beyond the old Land Rover. There was this huge broad dark valley that seemingly went on forever into the dark grey distance. It was topped by heavy almost black clouds that hung so low  that they took off the tops of the jagged mountains. We were high up overlooking what seemed to be the outer edge of an uninviting rain sodden alien world - it shocked me! I don't recall ever seeing anything so grim and daunting. My mother couldn't have done better than this if she had planned it. It felt like I had been sent to hell. I know now that any other time it's an amazing view but this day it was both scary and shocking and had me rooted to the spot by the side of the driver who brought me back to earth by asking if I was okay. With a sigh I told him that I'd have to be, what choice did I have. He kindly said that he would stay until I confirmed with a wave that the jeep opposite was indeed my ride and with that the door opened and let in a blast of cold wet air. I pulled on the hood of my jacket and stepped off the bus where upon I was immediately pushed back against its side by a massive gust of wind. Had the bus not been there I'm sure I would have been blown right off my feet and beyond the out edge into the valley below... To be continued.

The Journey - Bridges To Cross

 Sunday 21st January 2024.

I was woken this morning just before six by Mrs Scott who informed me that breakfast was in half a hour. I didn't want breakfast. After waking and remembering where I was and what lay before me the nervous sick feeling had returned. However they had other ideas and so I relented and managed a bowl of Cornflakes and a cup of tea. Archie kindly made up a bacon sandwich and a sausage sandwich from the rest of the breakfast that I couldn't stomach. He put them in a bag and gave them to me to take with me for later.

Mrs Scott took me to the bus station and got me on to the right bus for Ullapool ferry terminal. At breakfast there had been some talk of a storm that was due to arrive in the area later that day that threatened both road and rail travel so Mr Scott made enquiries to make sure that the coach I was to travel on was still leaving as it would have been better for me to stay there than get stranded somewhere. I'm not sure how I would have informed my grandfather had that been the case. Everything was okay though so I didn't have to cross that bridge.

We did have another bridge to cross though, this one took us high above the water on the way north out of Inverness. Looking down was a bit unnerving, the water looked grey and cold with streaks of white running across it. The morning was bright but had a cold biting wind to it. At first the road took us through undulating farm land which after a while became more hilly and forested. We did stop once to pick up some more people who judging by their luggage were on the trip to the islands whereas I was just on the coach to Ullapool where I was to leave it for a more local bus service. After some time we seemed to climb up into more rugged and desolate countryside. For some of the way now there was a body of water to the right which I think was a reservoir rather than a loch, although I could be mistaken about that, it seemed very big though. As we neared Ullapool the day had changed, the brightness had gone and there was even a bit of drizzle landing on the windscreen of the coach which the driver had to keep clearing. The countryside close to Ullapool was back to being more forested and now there was water to the left of the road and this was for sure a sea loch. We drove along the front by the harbour and into a big parking area that said it was for ferry vehicles, I guessed this was the end of my journey on this coach so I gathered up my bag and coat and let people get off as I wanted to ask the driver where to pick up my next bus. I didn't know if he would know this but I thought even if he didn't he could perhaps tell me where to go to find out. Anyway as it happens he did know and pointed me around the corner to a café where I could wait until it arrived.

I went in and bought a hot chocolate. I didn't really feel like having anything but I didn't want to hang around outside as it was cold and miserable. I asked the boy who served me about the bus stopping just to confirm things in my mind. I then just sat at a table watching and thinking of all manner of things that could go wrong and what I would do if they did. Nothing went wrong, the bus pulled up opposite as planned so I went out to check it was the right one. The driver was just getting off as I approached so I showed him the paper I had that said I'd already paid and he said that it was okay but that I couldn't get on the bus yet as he needed a break for half an hour. This was okay as I needed the toilet but I didn't dare go before as I was worried the bus would come and go while I was in the toilet. I walked with the driver back to the café and he was asking where I was from and what was I doing all the way up here but he then interrupted my reply by asking what I wanted to drink. I was unsure if he thought that is what I followed him in for so I pointed out that I was going to the toilet.

'Okay, so what would you like'? he asked again.

So I just had another hot chocolate which was waiting for me along with the driver at a table when I returned. It was good that I got to know him because I was able to show him where I was being picked up by my grandfather. He knew the place and would let me know before we got there. He also told me some things about the area and reckoned I was in for a real culture shock coming from Coventry as I did. The half hour passed in a flash so we made our way back to the bus. The weather had really turned bad now with heavy rain and blustery wind. There were four men with backpacks waiting for the bus also  and came running over from the shelter by the cafe. I think they were walkers by the looks of it as their packs were much bigger than mine. The driver suggested we sit near the front as he picks up school children who tend to gravitate towards the rear of the bus. So with that said I bagged one of the front seats and settled in for the rest of my journey – well, the last part before meeting up with my grandfather.

The Journey - Exiled

 Saturday 2oth January 2024

This moment had been building for weeks and now that it had arrived it felt as though I was consumed by just about every emotion there was. As I waved goodbye to dad standing on the platform as my train pulled out of the station I couldn't help but wonder when, or even if I would ever see him again. I hope to one day when maybe memories have faded but there was no definite date set for my return so who knows. I fought back the tears of both sadness and disappointment the best I could. Then there is the gut wrenching uncertainty, not only of the journey but of the future. Little is known of either except that which dad has written on the list for me. Whatever happens will have to be faced alone and sorted out by myself though. Worst of all though is the feeling of love and absolute hate for my mother. I made one mistake and now I am being banished for it by her. I've come clean and owned it from the start and made it clear that it won't be happening again, I even begged her forgiveness several times but she hasn't moved an inch. So for that I hate her with all my heart. It seems I am not worthy of a second chance in her eyes. Dad would forgive me but he is to cowardly where she is concerned to stand up for me.

I folded the list that dad had given me and made sure to I put it back into my coat pocket, it was a lifeline of instructions. I'd nothing to do until we got to Edinburgh station where upon I had to find train to Inverness.

At York a middle aged lady took up the seat next to me and we got to talking which made things better. Apparently she had been down south visiting her family who lived somewhere in Yorkshire, I'd never heard of the place. She herself lives in Edinburgh. This came in useful when the train arrived there because she was able to show me where I needed to be. Also she very kindly stayed with me until it was time for me to get on the train which really touched my heart. We went and got a drink and a cake while we waited. I want to go and visit her one day if I ever manage to get away from here.

The next leg of my journey was to Inverness where I had to leave the train, it didn't say if that was the end of the line or not. When I disembarked I needed to keep a look out for a Mr or Mrs Scott who were picking me up and taking me to stay the night at their guesthouse. All the way to Inverness I worried that they would forget me or that I would miss them or some other disaster would occur but in actual fact Mr Scott was right there on the platform waiting for me. He did have my name written on a piece of paper but it was only needed as a confirmation because I spotted him before I even got off the train, everyone was moving off whereas he was just standing there looking around as if looking for someone – which he was of course. Mr Scott, also know as Archie, was maybe around forty years old, very cheerful, of slight build with a short amount of facial hair. After introducing himself he took me to his van in the car park from where we drove to his house which didn't take long. The streets were dark so I couldn't really see much of Inverness. Also he never stopped chatting so I was mostly busy talking to him.

At the guesthouse I met his wife who is called Haldis, which to me is an unusual name but she too was a lovely person. I was made to feel really welcome. They had made some dinner for me which I had after being shown to my room and taking a shower. It was only a small room with a single bed but it was nice enough, I was just glad to be there and be safe and sound with no worried for a few hours.I did sleep well in spite of feeling very strange and unsettled.

The Preface.

 The Preface

I'm starting this with a preface like in a book, although for sure I'm not planning on writing a book or anything. Because I have a desire, rightly or wrongly, to share my experience in a public way I think there are things, like for instance, how I came to be busted by the man, or woman, in this case that need to be told before the story begins. 

Some might see it as a grubby little affair with a long time friend of the family but really it wasn't anything so grand. In reality it was just a bit of fun, or at least to us it was. To my parents though, in particular my mother, it was the end of the world, and I can understand why that is, I've never once tried to shy away from my responsibility in the matter. I've apoligised time and time again but there is no forgiveness or understanding to be had. It seems I'm not allowed to make mistakes. Dad would have forgiven me but mum would never have forgiven him if he had, so I don't blame him and he did do what he could to make things easier for me. In the end they decided that I should be sent to live with my grandfather. He spent a quarter or more of his life in the army before becoming a secondary school history and French teacher. He has now retired and taken to a remote estate in the Scottish Highlands. As an employee and not the owner I might add. I think because of his past experiences they see him as my saviour, someone to drag me back to the straight and narrow. Failing that, the place I am destined for is so remote and devoid of people that they probably think it impossible for me to find someone to lead me astray anyway.

The other thing I just want to quickly mention is that because all this started over a year ago and I'm now only just getting round to thinking about documenting the experience, some of the entries will be backdated and as I'm not the best at remembering dates some of them might not be exact.